#GoingInRaw: The Shield Takes a Stroll Down Memory Lane

Over  the weekend,  humankind was hit by the senseless tragedy in Orlando. At the top of Raw, a  moment of silence was  held for the victims of the shooting and their families.  The entire roster stood shoulder to shoulder in somber silence.  We’re starting to see the roster stand on the  ramp a little too much for my taste.  

Raw was live from the Big Easy New Orleans, home of YES!lemania.  New  Day used the power of positivity to cheer everybody up after the bummer of an opening.  The roast session of Kofi’s  Under  Armor Chef Curry sneakers  was a hilarious peek inside black brotherhood.  I  say black (or  African  American if you  prefer) because I’ve never  seen  white  guys talk about each other’s shoes.  Then  Enzo Amore and  Big Cass  decided to join the fray and  call Kofi Seinfeld.  That’s  hilarious if you know who Seinfeld is and  was in the 90s.  Damn kids missed everything.  Round out the rest of the fatal fourway with a song from the Vaudevillains and some threats from the Bullets and twenty minutes later, we’re  ready for our first match.  This RAW  was  particularly chatty.  Some of it hit, the  rest of it missed.But just the fact there was so much talking was a bummer all on its own. 

Seriously, Kof. What are those?

The match pit the fun-loving faces against the angry heels.  If I were Enzo, I wouldn’t let either one of those mustachioed muscle-heads throw me outside the ring again.  Just as a precaution.  Yes, Kofi wrestled in the Curry joints,  so that’s probably how they lost the match.Bullet Club caught him  in the…say…what is the  name of the  Bullet Club’s move?  Well they caught Kof’ with that and gained the momentum going into Money in the Bank.

I’m a little bummed because it feels like the New Day ride is almost over.  Typically when they want to take a title off someone but let them remain strong, they do so in a triple threat (or more) match where someone else can take the fall. I would be shocked if anybody besides Gallows and Anderson comes away with the tag straps after pinning one of the Vaudevillains.

In the middle of the show, we got the newly reinstated Ambrose Asylum with the return of the Shield.  All three members were in the ring and were slated to not try and take each other’s heads off.  The Champ Roman Reigns and the…technically still Champ Seth Rollins had a face to face.  Dean Ambrose tried to lighten the mood by talking about good ol memories.  Like that time they  made Kane and The New Aged Outlaws like jobbers.  Rollins kept running them all down, until he did a heel turn within the interview and talked about how he turned heel in the first place.  More gums were bumped, until Dean Ambrose brought up the possibility of him winning Money in the Bank and cashing in during the Rollins and Reigns match.  Fighting ensued and Roman put Rollins down.  But to most people’s surprise, Dean Ambrose caught his friend, Reigns in the Dirty Deeds DDT.  DTA Roman.  DTA.  This didn’t seem like a full turn as much as a fair warning.  Dean is too much of a wildcard to be trusted, like a Piper or Stone Cold.  

Welcome back, Corporate Kane!  Next to fresh out the box, burning Undertaker with a ring of fire Kane, Corporate Kane is my favorite version.  He whipped out a resume on some dope ass stationery, along with a letter of recommendation from The Undertaker himself.  I want to see the vignette of Kane asking Taker for that letter. Better than another Golden Truth sketch I bet.

CK suggested that the bickering between Kevin Owens and Alberto Del Rio be squashed with a team building exercise by having them face The Lucha Dragons.  If that were not enough, KO and Del Rio would be forced to put their spots on the line for MITB.  I’m already not that jazzed about the MITB match itself, but I’d go for a walk if I thought Sin Cara would have a shot.  After getting their wires crossed as a team, Del Rio stunk up the place but got the tag to KO who also almost lost, causing me to have palpitations. All was set right when KO caught a Dragon with the Pop-up Powerbomb.

Oh snap! Paige pulled out a win, but on Charlotte no less!  Dana Brook made a boneheaded move that Arn would never make.  But then again, nobody is Arn.  But the real story is Paige being out of the dog house…hopefully.  Pretty much nobody is better than her in the Women’s division and it’s a shame she had that ridiculous losing streak.  I’m not holding my breath, but I hope a push for Paige is coming soon if we can’t have Sasha right now.

Apollo Crews went a kinda Ahmed Johnson and dug in Sheamus’s pale ass real quick.

Sami Zayn and Cesaro tore it up just the way they should.  No surprise there but it is appreciated.  I don’t know what that move was that Sami used to finish Cesaro with.  French Canadian Destroyer, maybe?  

The AJ/Cena contract signing, although contributing to this talk-heavy Raw, was very entertaining.  Cena showed why he is still considered the money man of the WWE.  He presented AJ with the option of signing one of two contracts.  One would allow AJ to get buried wi…er…TEAM UP with his fellow Bullet Club members.  The other one was for a fair and square, one on one clash that’s been about 12 years in the making.  I know he’s going to do the same moves, and I already have the WWE Network, but the promo he cut on AJ would have made me fork over the 9.99.  I wonder if AJ got in trouble for mentioning K-Mart negatively while roasting Cena. Aren’t they the official retail partner of the WWE?  Whoops.  

The main event saw the four  competitors in the MITB Ladder match who already competed, get front row seats to yet another Ambrose and Jericho match.  Remember when they had an Asylum match?  Remember when Jericho was a pincushion? They can’t just wrestle a normal match at least for a few years now.  They’ve already settled their war.  Of course this was just an excuse to have all six guys have pier six brawl to close the show.  Jericho came out on top, so naturally he won’t win at the pay-per-view.  I’m picking Sami Zayn as the darkhorse to take this from under everyone’s nose. It’s possible he’s going to be Daniel Bryan reincarnated.  WWE missed the boat the first time and maybe they are going to take advantage of lightning striking twice and get into a Sami run sooner than later.  Or Del Rio could win again.  Who knows?