I don’t know what it is, but once the weather starts getting warmer, I feel like dudes start to lose their minds. I don’t know if I’m giving off a scent or if Mercury is still in retrograde, but I am attracting all kinds of crazy.
About a month ago I went to a club where I knew the crowd was going to be younger than I was used to. Typically I stay away from that kind of bullsh*t, because I know my limits and my tendency to get belligerent. But I figured, what’s the worst that could happen.
As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t always feel comfortable in club settings, and typically need a drink or two before I can really get into the zone. As I am getting my drink on, this was made more difficult for a few reasons: I didn’t know a lot of the music (it was supposed to be a Biggie tribue, and they legit only played 10 minutes of his stuff), it was clearly a much younger group, it was super crowded and hot, and people were just throwing bows left and right to get through.
So I’m posted up and trying to get my drink on or whatever (in my full Cardi B. voice), and from time to time a dude will either just straight up start dancing on me, or taps me to get my attention. For the most part it’s fine, I’ll give you a quick dance or two and go back to minding my business. As it gets later, and people get less adept at handling their liquor, I start to notice this one guy eyeing me from across the room. Most ladies know how this goes. If you aren’t interested, you try to avoid looking in that direction and giving him any motivation to come out your way.
I’m chillin’ and thinking that I’m in the clear and eventually see homeboy stumbling towards me, drink in hand. He’s inebriated and super focused. Also, it’s worth noting that homeboy is much shorter than be (like boob level) and much younger than me (like I could smell the Similac on his breath). As he is trying to chat me up, he manages to spill his beer on my arm (I think I held it out to keep him away) and my homegirl’s ass (no idea how that happened). He bumbled around for a bit before getting the hint, and before he walked away he said (with a little attitude) “Ok, fellow light skinned”. I really didn’t know how to process that.
And it gets better folks. I did end up having another memorable encounter that night. Sometimes I like when I see other people getting really hype on the dance floor. There was a guy getting his life and clearly enjoying the attention. At some point, he makes his way over to me, and it’s reggae music, so ya’ll know how that goes (insert creeper eye ????). We’re dancing, everything is cool, then all of a sudden he grabs my hips and starts aggressively… thrusting. So…this is a thing apparently. It’s called daggering. And it feels like it sounds. I’ve seen videos of stuff like this on the internet, but I didn’t think that people really did it. It took me like half a second to recover from shock, then I immediately turned around and told the dude to walk away before I swung on him. He then apologized and sheepishly walked away.
This is why I would much rather spend my nights at home curating playlists for you guys. I’m really digging this week’s list. You of course have your hip hop (Curren$y [and Juvenile!], Jim Jones drops a new joint, Wale flip’s a Miguel track). There is a bit of r&b and soul (Jeff Bernat and Avalon Young, Jordan Rakei). There is also a touch of afrobeat and funk as well. Nothing you can dagger to though.
Hopefully you like it as much as I do. Let me know what you think using hashtag #KBXSelect. Until next week…