The Barclays in Brooklyn, NY
PIMP PIMP! HOO-RAY! PIMP PIMP! HOO-RAY! First the launch of Planet Snoop gains over 600,000 views in its first weekend, now this. Snoop D-O-double G will join such megastars as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mr. T, Mike Tyson and. . . Donald Trump in the WWE Hall of Fame. I imagine watching wrestling with Snoop is like watching anything with your favorite uncle who gets really really into a show. He probably gets mad when heels interfere with matches. Like legit mad. Even though he knows it’s all a work, he still gets lost in it. Man, I really want to watch a pay-per-view at his house. Hell, I don’t know if anybody will be able to make it to Mania the day after the HOF ceremony. When the Godfather and Snoop combine their powers? That’s too much pimpin’. Hide your wives.
Now for stuff we’ve been talking about for weeks.
Shane and Undertaker Make a Breakthrough
The Undertaker and Shane started the show with a face to face in the center of the ring. With the newly added stipulation from Vince that Taker has to win or go home, Taker assured the Brooklyn crowd, Thirty-two would not be his last Mania. Just as he signed off with “Rest…in…” The PA blared “MONAAAAAAY!”. It wasn’t seamless but still great. It’s a wonder Shane isn’t exhausted by the time he starts walking toward the ring. It didn’t take long before one called the other “bitch” and Shane started up with the love taps to the body. The action spilled onto the floor and Taker set up for a Last Ride. But Shane reversed the situation and popped Takers chain when he hit him with a monitor and kind of hit Takes with an elbow from the top rope through the table. Don’t worry. It was still great. It almost made me want to forget that if Shane wins, he’d be the boss and he could simply re-hire the Undertaker. Better yet, Vince’s order would be null and void because he would not be the boss to execute Undertaker’s termination. But hey! Whatevs!
HHH and Stephanie decided to re-re-re-re-reiterate that the members of the WWE Universe aren’t as awesome as them. None of us can ascend to their level of corporate conquest. All we’re good at is raising our awful children and working our schlub jobs to have enough money to buy McDonald’s and pay 9.99 for our WWE Network. Damn hamster wheel. Roman Reigns’s music hit to interrupt the barrage of insults. The crowd boo’d. Looks like the Barclays crowd would rather be brow-beaten by the Authority than welcome Roman to the show. Scrapping took place and the Lovebirds scrammed. Later in the show, H and his Dudley goons rushed Roman during an interview. Confident they had eliminated the threat of another interruption, the McHelmsleys came back out to finish berating the crowd. I fully expected HHH to say, “Now where was I?” But before it could get good to them, Roman Reigns staggered to the ring to get him some more scrap. They ended the show with the good ol’ empty locker room holding the champ and challenger apart. However Roman cleared the top rope—with no hands to land on the heel delegation. And unlike the usual flying dive/plancha move, this one looked fantastic. He did not look catchable. He looked like someone launched a bowling ball at a glass window. It was awesome.
While I wouldn’t consider myself a Roman Reigns fan per se, I like the guy. He isn’t the best on the mic, but hey, who is these days? His in-ring work is tight. He has a great look. Is he the guy? Maybe. But look, Daniel Bryan is gone, y’all. HE GONE!! So it’s really time to get over the past. What I do believe should be done is they need to turn this kid heel. Fast. They never wanted to pull the trigger with Cena. Reigns totally has the package for a dominant aggressive Big Bad. I mean, they’re making the Wyatts into Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar fodder. Might as well build somebody to (hopefully) replace the Authority.
(Barbed Wire) Batman
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman did their usual two-man act to the tee. Somehow it’s still not broke, so I guess there’s no need to fix it. The Lunatic Fringe quietly and calmly made his way to the ring where for some strange reason, all of the…tools Ambrose has been collecting over the past month or so were. He wheeled down an official Dean Ambrose red wagon complete with “DA” insignia. He politely collected his things, which included a chainsaw, some metal stairs and the holy barbed wire bat that was bestowed upon him by Mick Foley. Which reminds me, I’m now facing a dilemma because Negan is supposed to bat one of our favorite characters to death on The Walking Dead. My wife is really going to need me to be there for her. But. WrestleMania. Then just as quietly as he appeared, he disappeared. So brilliant. After weeks of looking like a gnat being swatted away by Goliath, Ambrose made his best statement this whole rivalry without saying a word or throwing a punch. Well done.
Can New Day Kick It? Of Course They Can
I felt bad last week downing the New Day’s promo. It’s just that it has become a top segment on the show now and the crowd is actually engaged. They had me a little worried. But Monday’s promo was pretty close to golden when Xavier Woods simply said, “The New Day…” and the Brooklyn crowd showered them in praise. Big E was being goofy, but you can tell that reaction was genuine and they were just proud enough of themselves they could burst. They roasted the
League of Nations some more and made a Phife Dawg reference. Then Kofi took on Alberto Del Rio in a great match. It was all over when Alberto went for the Crossarm breaker, but Kofi reversed it into the dreaded Schoolboy Roll-up for the win. After the match, New Day high-tailed it to the top of the ramp where they were greeted by Jonathan Coachman who announced SportsCenter would be covering Mania all day leading up to the event itself. Coach then proceeded with a ritual that looked like rhythmic muscle-tearing. He looked to be having a good time with New Day so God bless him.
Kevin All Al-Owens
Look man, it gets hard to make these puns the longer you go. Don’t like it, go snap into a Slim Jim. Anyway, IC Champ KevO teamed with Stardust and the Miz to take on Dolph Ziggler, Sin Cara and Sami Zayn. He hasn’t been a very good partner as of late, so when the going got tough for Kevin, the tough got going and left him all by himself against three men. However it would only take Sami to finish Owens with the Helluva kick.
Sami Zayn wasn’t the only gaining momentum going into the hyper dangerous and career-threatening seven man ladder match. Zack Ryder picked up a rare win on Raw and against Chris Jericho no less! Unfortunately, he ate a Code-Breaker for daring to win with a small package. Jericho, weary of being called a Y2Jackass, accepted AJ Styles’s challenge for what will hopefully be their last match for a nice long while.
Anybody seen the Rock? Is he still hosting WrestleMania or nah?
Becky chased Charlotte around the ring until Ric Flair copped a feel on the Lass Kicker’s leg. Totally grossed out, Becky did not see Charlotte’s boot coming for her head and got pinned.
Chokeslams were handed out to the Social Outcasts.
Joan Lunden will receive the Warrior Award at the HOF for her fight with cancer and her work with Susan G Komen. I’ll not say anything about Susan G. For it will not be positive. We f***s with the American Cancer Society over this way, dawg!! Seriously though. We do.
Eva Marie still has a job. Somebody in that office is really trying to help her out. She has a look, but she’s more dangerous to work with than a 100ft ladder and flaming tables. Be careful ladies.
Nice show to lead up to the events of WrestleMania week. It would be nice for the boys and girls to be able to take it a little easier than usual, if you want to call endless press and promotion rest. I might be reviewing or at least live tweeting WrestleMania. You can follow along with me @Goin_In_RawKBX. I’ll see you Sunday.