Raw was live from Baltimore, MD so I’ll try to get through this with as few references to The Wire as possible. Fresh off the Extreme Rules pay-per-view, the WWE set its sights on the next big event, Money in the Bank in which the winner of that match will of course claim a contract to compete anywhere and anytime they see fit for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Before the combatants can make it to MITB on June 19th, they had to qualify in matches on Monday. Meanwhile, the uncrowned King of the WWE, Seth Rollins has come back to claim the throne for which he was never beaten. With the tremendous pop he received when he Pedigreed Roman Reigns, it was popular belief that Rollins was coming back to be a crowd serving babyface. But he would flip that almost immediately.
Rollins with the Homies
After coming out to a hero’s welcome, Seth indulged the crowd’s “Welcome Back!” chants. He held his arms open like Bret Hart and smiled. It wouldn’t last as he informed the WWE Universe that he had thrown their get well soon cards in the trash and set it ablaze. Then Roman came down the and grumbled some stuff before Shane McMahon announced that Seth Rollins would receive his rightful shot at the WWE WHC at MITB. Later in the show, Seth caught up with his old boss turned…boss, Stephanie McMahon and went to embrace her. Steph totally curved him and said their former working relationship was over and that things have changed. She then shook his hand and walked away. Seth stood there looking like a friend who just lost all his benefits because she found someone else.
Is it too early for this match? I can’t help but think there are a couple of other avenues we could explore with both superstars before rushing into such an epic showdown. There are still a few loose ends for Rollins to tie up before going straight to the end of the game. What is this? Chrono Trigger? Arkham Knight? What’s with this new game plus stuff? Whether Seth wants to be a face or not, the crowd is going to turn him in that match with Reigns if not sooner. So you might as well embrace it and send him on a hero’s journey of growth and self-discovery. There is so much talent Seth could work with (COUGH HEEL ZIGGLER COUGH) to knock off the ring rust and actually get shine with.
Meanwhile, you want to herald the return of John Cena this Monday, how bout we get this match out the way? Cena and Roman, the battle of the boos. The JEERisistible Force vs. The IBOOvable Object. Roman Sucks. Cena Sucks. The way I see it, the negative “cool” fans can focus all their hatred on this one match and hopefully it forms a black hole so they and What Culture and Wrestling With Wregret can all be sucked into it. Or at least their negativity. We all have suggestions for the show we would like to see. This way we can meet them halfway.
That Was a Brief Case
Why are they rushing the Money in the Bank qualifiers? They have almost an entire month to build up the match. When you consider that most of the guys in the qualifiers and the MITB match itself were JUST in the Fatal Fourway for the Intercontinental Title, things could get a little stale if these same guys are coming out and confronting each other on every Raw and Smackdown. That’s about eight shows where these guys are constantly interrupting promos and having all out brawls. That’s fun, until it’s not. Save something for the future. And knock on wood that none of these guys get injured. You kind of shoot yourself in the foot. I guess you could call an audible, but if you space it out, you can make it look like business as usual. Are we ready to see half the roster beat each other up on every show? How about a little mystery to make us wonder who gets in on THIS episode? More people could petition the McMahons every week and it’s an angle you could get some mileage out of.
AJ didn’t make it to the MITB, which is a shame. As much as I love KO, we just saw him in a ladder match at Mania. There are worse guys to watch, but Styles on a ladder would be worth the price of admission.
Jericho beat Apollo Crews to qualify, which is fine. Y2J is one of the fathers of the MITB and he can still go. He deserves to be in this one after putting both AJ and Dean Ambrose over in the manner that he did. I give him a hard time every now and again, but anybody willing to be a human pincushion gets all of my respect.
Cesaro and The Miz continued their 100 years war in their qualifier. Swiss Supes went over with the Neutralizer and hopefully we’re done seeing these two for a while.
Parker Louis couldn’t lose and again, Job Ziggler, I mean…Dolph Jobbler…I mean-Dolph Ziggler can’t win. It’s a real shame when your push gets taken away, partly because you’re an amazing salesman. Everybody wants to work with Dolph because his ragdoll physics makes a hip toss look like a car accident. Shouldn’t that kind of work be rewarded? In a time when all the guys are asking for releases, you might want to hold on to the guy who can make everybody look like gold. Meanwhile, I’m going to the bank for a loan to start my own wrestling promotion. We’re getting all the guys who just left the WWE.
Sheamus came out there like the drunks from South Park with the old “They took our jobs!” bit. My facebook group (Shout out to Rassle Chat) went back and forth with the “TERKERJEEEEEEEERBS!!!” for about five minutes. It was glorious. Sami Zayn came out on top of this match. I like that Sami is in the NEIGHBORHOOD of these great opportunities. While we still don’t know who else is in this match, I’m already picking Sami as a darkhorse. The best thing about the Money in the Bank match is sometimes, they give the nod to someone you least expect. But whether it goes the way of Daniel Bryan or Damien Sandow remains to be seen.
Monday was also the night of breakups. The lady iteration of The Club posted ways after AJ all but admonished the efforts of Like Gallows and Karl Anderson. Styles suggested they keep their business separate from their friendship, Gallows and Anderson made it clear there no longer was a friendship among the three of them.
A Flair for the Dramatic
The Flairs and Dana Brook (Arn Anderson 2.0 apparently) discussed the events of Extreme Rules in which Charlotte beat Natalya with the help of Dana. Ric went on to talk about Charlotte’s determination to get candy as a child. Charlotte launched into a tirade where she hit him with more “Where ya at?” Kind of questions than Future. She talked like pretty much any daughter of a pro wrestler probably would and talked about how many things he missed and how her mom had to console her. You could tell that it was coming from kind of a real place. So of course the idiots in the crowd had to ruin what was probably about to be a classic segment with the “What?” response. It through her off and probably stopped her from shedding a tear. But it didn’t stop Naitch. Those eyes got so wet and that nose got so red. I’d nominate Ric for a primetime Emmy. The “Na na na na Hey Hey Goodbye!” was a great touch. She and Dana Brook were the only two enjoying it. I know it’s a hot take, but Charlotte is on her way to being the best heel in the Women’s Division history.
New Day made up a birthday celebration for Raw and while they were goofing off they got blindsided by The Social Outcasts. That name is even funnier now that Adam Rose is NOT in the group. What? Don’t beat women. A little ways into the match, New Day got all Adam Rose on the Outcasts with the Unicorn Stampede. They finished them off and clotheslined Heath Slater with a birthday cake. Can’t help but feel sorry for Heath. But he’s the one guy who can’t ask for a release. He’s like the Dan Hibiki of the WWE. Look it up if you’re a nongeek.
Welcome back Enzo Amore! I’m not sure if he’s ready to go just yet, but he sure is ready to talk. And why wouldn’t you put him on TV? Never mind if he can’t work in the ring. Give him the stick and let him shout his madness into it. But I don’t want Cass to stop working on his gab. I’m loving all the time they’re putting into this guy.
Smackdown is moving yet again and about to be live on Tuesdays. This along with the newly announced Brand Split is why Smackdown can’t make any friends. Smackdown is an army brat. No stability. Hopefully with the brand split, some people get some love they weren’t getting before. I know there will be some heat when a lot of the younger guys make it to Monday Nights and the guys who feel they’ve been passed over get busted down to Tuedays. What does this mean for the recently unified WWE World Heavyweight Championship? Will there be another big belt added to the already crowded title picture? Or will all champs be expected to pull double duty? It seems like a wise move given the amount of talent in the company. Doesn’t seem to be enough room in town for all of them. John Cena will be making his triumphant return on this coming Monday. What will that mean in regards to the WWE title? It’s only a matter of time until he comes sniffing around.
That’s it, true believer(s). Tune in next time as I give creative some pointers that they have absolutely no intentions of using. Why would they? I have nothing but this article to run. So I’ll leave all that up to them. But a brotha can dream!